Hello Everyone! 😊
Wish you all a very happy Diwali😊😊
How are you all?
Well, I am back with my messy head and this is the best place where I can put it into words.
Its great when we have clear thoughts and find numerous reasons to pen them down. But I don’t know since a couple of days I am unable to write or concentrate on anything. I tried my best to read, study, work upon the reasons of my inability to concentrate but just can’t get through it.
FOCUS. I tried it as well. Think of my aim, my love for my profession and everything. But nothing can solve my problem.
Someone had stated it right. To succeed in life you need to have great emotional health. I don’t know what my emotional state is. I have had alot of fights with my friends due to my blunt presentation of facts, not standing upto their expectations and not doing what I ought to have done and much more. I don’t know how to solve it. Its like I solve one issue and the other one pops as a replacement for it.
Firstly, I have been a dreamer and I wish to achieve alot. I know they also feel the same about themselves. But, unlike them I am still deciding about what path I truly want to pursue and how I wish to see myself few years down the lane. I have tried to explain but sometimes it just seems going all in vain. Moreover, all the justification that I provide to them makes them feel as if it’s an excuse. So I stopped explaining altogether. Since, I was tired and just can’t explain them each time I acted in a certain manner and my reason behind it.
Secondly, I love them. I like them all and yes I do priorties a few over the others but it is done because those few are closer to me than everyone else. They have seen me grow up and have seen my worst.
That doesn’t mean I don’t care about my other friends. I appreciate them equally they are also prioritised in a different manner. They just have been segregated under different heads but hold the same value. But, well I am done explaining I m just tired about every action I have taken so far or will be taking in the future.
Thirdly, I crib and will a lot about Perry issues. I expect my Friends to hear it out because sometimes ignorance cannot be considered as a bliss and censoring a part of me would make me feel censored as whole. Since, each word I say first has to go through a filter in order to ensure no one is offended by it. This angered me.
So, I just run away from everything. I had delete WhatsApp and just vanished for a few days. All this holdiyas season was just the cherry on the top kind of opportunity for me. So I took my time off, a break from everyone and returned today.
Did anything change in just 3-4days.? Well,i don’t know about my friends but my state of mind has improved. I am more relaxed than I was before. But, yet what remains a mystery to me is how to gain back the concentration that I have somehow lost during this whole happening.
This makes me wonder, am I completely over it or not😅
Moreover, I realised I am looking for my true self. The person I am or at least the person I wish to become. I have been basing my personality basing it on how other’s feel about me. This struggle to find my true self and not be lonely about the same is what leading this kind of transformation that I as well as others around me are witnessing. At least that’s what I feel like.
P.S. At least I succeeded in writing my thoughts properly today. I have gained back something at least. Since,afew days ago when a friend of mine had suggested me to write about something I just couldn’t think about the topic and even after getting a suggestion about the topic from another friend of mine. I just couldn’t bring myself to write it down in the manner I wished to. It made me sad that made me feel maybe I have lost my interest in it altogether or I became devoid of my ability all of a sudden but luckily, I am at least sure about this one thing that I have still got it in me and I am able to pen down what I feel
P.P.S. these are just my thoughts I hope you can relate with them or enjoy.